@shesananteater: My neighbor started mowing his yard at 6am so I opened all my windows and vacuumed because I don't understand how revenge works.
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@Elizasoul80: When people ask "what do you do" I try to seem normal by saying things like "Walk with my feet. Use water. See things that are there."
@FrogAvalanche: -Where was I conceived, dad? Dad: Ahh *rubs back of neck* At the Bellagio in Las Vegas. -Rly? Dad: Wd I lie to u, Bestwestern Broomcloset?
@drinksmcgee: I celebrate Friday the 13th in the traditional way... by going into the woods and murdering every sexy teenager I can find.
@CulturedRuffian: SHOUT OUT TO ALL THE WEATHER REPORTERS RISKING LIFE & LIMB SO WE CAN ALL KNOW WHAT A 130MPH HURRICANE LOOKS LIKE IN THE DARK!