@primawesome: My neighbor told me she doesn't care what people think about her. So I told her I think about her naked. Turns out she's a hypocrite.
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@Swishergirl24: I was hoping to lose weight when I quit drinking, but it turns out that's not how pregnancy works.
@Holbornlolz: Eastern Europe - 1989 "If we leave the Soviet Union, we might have to get visas to visit Siberia and turnips will be more expensive"
@TheCiscoKidder: Whenever somebody asks me what my hobby is, there is a long uncomfortable pause and then I back away until I can't see them anymore.
@MartaEffing: I hate when I take a nap on a park bench and everyone assumes I homeless. People with houses get tired, too.