@YourAnMoron: You'd think a dude named Captain Crunch would have amazing abs.

@Ryan_Patricks: My annoying little cousin is bragging about how he sleeps in a race car bed. Whatever, you little idiot.. I sleep in a real car.

@stacywawa1: I just saw a guy put deodorant on before walking into an adult bookstore. I kinda want to date him now.

@BatBatshitcrazy: After the "incident" at the family cabin, my Indian name is Bounces Off Deck.

@GensPlace: When I first went on the pill, I put on a bit of weight. Which proved to be a very effective contraceptive.