@MariyaAlexander: Cops have a new radar that lets them see through walls into our homes but imagine if this technology fell into the wrong hands! Oh wait...

@leifromloihi: [pulls away from kissing] do you ever pretend nfl players with dreadlocks swinging around under their helmets are predators

@weinerdog4life: When one door closes another door opens, pretty sure my house is haunted, I sleep on the porch

@Sassafrantz: Remember when I told you to be yourself? I think we should revisit that.

@garyfromteenmom: doctor: how are u me: good doctor: my wife left thanks for asking