@Ms612: My neighbors are drunk & climbing up the balcony. Or possibly being robbed. Whatever.
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@curlycomedy: How can you teach your child about adversity if you don't leave a diaper unchanged once in a while?
@david8hughes: [describing criminal to sketch artist] "No, no his nose was a bit more avant-garde than that. His eyes suggested he'd lost a ladder."
@Brampersandon_: FLIGHT ATTENDANT: sir calm down ME (having panic attack): sorry I've never flown before PILOT (over intercom): dont worry neither have I lol