@SadMeterologist: My neighbors are organizing something called a "fun run". This shit never happened when I lived in my car.
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@huntigula: [job interview] Last test: put ur hands on the desk & don't move [plays 'In The Air Tonight'] [I begin violently shaking as drum solo nears]
@JohnLyonTweets: Interesting how Lassie always happens to be at the scene when a kid "falls" down a well.
@AristotlesNZ: Cop: "You been drinkin?" Me: I'm going to dinner w/my wife's mom & 94yo granny "You're free to go.." Come on dude. Can't you just arrest me?
@stephenjmolloy: [Job interview] "You list communication as a strength" Yes "Care to elaborate?" No