@tastefactory: My neighbors complain about me throwing my cigarette butts on the lawn but they'll be pumped when a cigarette tree sprouts in the spring
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@TarzanFeathers: When someone says "The last thing I'd want to do is hurt you", I'm wondering why they have a list of things to do that includes hurting me.
@minivansandgin: Hear toddler having meltdown at Target Me: Parents should control their kids! Cashier: Isn't she yours? Me: C: I saw her come in with you.
@CatherineLMK: Please continue finishing your text in the crosswalk, Mr. Pedestrian. It's not like I'm driving a giant metal instrument of death.