@tastefactory: My neighbors complain about me throwing my cigarette butts on the lawn but they'll be pumped when a cigarette tree sprouts in the spring
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@Fred_Delicious: "ARGHH A HOUSE SPIDER" [spider removes earbuds] "yah actually im more into ambient trance but whatever"
@moooooog35: A bright side to having kids is that if I'm ever trapped in my car I have 3 years worth of half-empty water bottles and goldfish to live on.
@iwearaonesie: wife: Why don't we run through the parking lot? me [laying on the ground in front of the car that hit me] Because it's dangerous
@Fred_Delicious: where do y'all wanna go tonight? Bars? The club? "THE BOG OF DESPAIR" Gary, after the forest of skulls debacle you don't get to pick anymore