@tastefactory: My neighbors complain about me throwing my cigarette butts on the lawn but they'll be pumped when a cigarette tree sprouts in the spring
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@bingowings14: See if your child has learnt any swear words yet, by turning the wifi off while they're playing minecraft.
@KittyShittyy: If I had ten cookies and you took one,what would you have? That's correct. A black eye and broken hand.
@GarryShandling: If you're head of the CIA and can't hide an extramarital affair it means it can't be done. Case closed, fellas.
@shariv67: Tonight I'm going to be naughty and tie my man to the bed. Then I'll make him watch a Golden Girls marathon while I eat the left over pizza.