@ClearCipher: My neighbor's diary says I have boundary issues.
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@TheRealNickKay: [Walks in on girlfriend on death bed] ME: [Crying] this can't be happening GRIM REAPER: Dude, I can explain. She totally came on to me
@jdforshort: 4 is currently using scissors to whittle down a pencil. This will be a valuable skill if she ever goes to prison and needs to make a shank.
@daemonic3: Professor: Today's exam is written. Next week we will do oral Class in unison: I HAVE A BOYFRIEND
@BromanConsul: "It doesn't say anywhere that you have to EAT them, you see," I explain to the Olive Garden waitress as my breadstick kingdom adds a library