@215potter: My neighbor's facebook movie is just a montage of me caught on surveillance video, stealing his newspaper every morning.
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@jamespianka: My phone dies, freeing me from my prison. I look up at the world. Deer live in my house.
@fightforfood: Whenever Becky says anything in the breakroom, I just say, "well, that got racist pretty fast" and walk out. I hate you so much, Becky.
@chuuew: DR: So, you're 36 years old, 4 foot tall & sound like a woman. How can I help you today, Mr Simpson? BART: I don't know where my hair starts