@215potter: My neighbor's facebook movie is just a montage of me caught on surveillance video, stealing his newspaper every morning.
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@jessforaminute: [Wine tasting] *Swirls and sniffs glass Me: Ah, yes, very nice, this one is bold in its simplicity Host: Ma'am, that glass is empty
@AudreyPorne: If you drink 6 RedBulls in less than an hour, they're not allowed to arrest you for stealing a bus. Read the can if you don't believe me.
@FuckabillyRex: *during sex Her: This feels weird, is it a water bed? Me: Nope. Way better. *pulls back sheet to reveal hundreds of meatball subs