@goldengateblond: My neighbors have both a howling dog and a screaming baby out in their yard. I'd throw a rock or something but I'm afraid I'd hit the dog.
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@torrami: Dragons aren't evil; they're just upset that they can't enjoy Popsicles and other frozen treats.
@Parkerlawyer: Waiting on this storm is like waiting on your mom to get home when you're in trouble. You know she's pissed, you just don't know HOW pissed
@hadafewbeers: Whenever someone says "I don't have a horse in that race" I respond with "You don't have a horse at all, Reggie. You have a cat & diabetes."
@MartaEffing: Damn boy, are you fresh ground pepper? Coz you're kinda boring and you've been on top of everything.