@SortaBad: My neighbors hurt some bystanders by illegally setting off fireworks. If only there had been a good guy with fireworks around to stop them
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@BringDaNoyz: ME: [trying to console a friend whose house has been demolished] Cheer up, bulldozing is the sincerest form of flattery
@truegritrumble: BABY: *cries* ME: Get in line, buddy. PUPPY: *cries* ME: *panicking* OMG, WHAT GREAT TRAGEDY HAS BEFALLEN YOU, MR. NIBBLES?
@MsSugar_Kisses: If she's freaking out, kiss her forehead, hug her & call her beautiful.. If she growls, throw chocolate at her from a safe place
@iGreenMonk: I always put a crouton on my ice cream sundaes instead of a cherry. That way, it counts as a salad!