@envydatropic: My neighbors just got new wind chimes. Guess who is going to have their wind chimes stolen tonight?
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@OBiiieeee: [trying not to think about Sonic The Hedgehog during sex] Her: faster! faster! Me: oh god no
@stevevsninjas: HER: You didn't make a reservation? ME: I got this. (to Maître D') Perhaps *this* will jog your memory? M: A handful of Skittles, sir?