@envydatropic: My neighbors just got new wind chimes. Guess who is going to have their wind chimes stolen tonight?
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@Nachos0verHoes: How can my mum hear me whisper something under my breath but can't hear me shout YEAHHHH from my room when she screams my name 10 times
@Shen_the_Bird: robber: alright this is a robbery dad: no this is a bank robber: damnit dad not now
@illTortuga: I asked my Ouija board when I was going to get a girlfriend and it spelled out HAHAHAHAHA until it caught fire.
@HrBry: Told my dealer I wanted a shitload of Coke but autocorrect changed it to shipload now I owe a Columbian cartel 18 million dollars