@envydatropic: My neighbors just got new wind chimes. Guess who is going to have their wind chimes stolen tonight?
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@leannuh_renay: Alexa, break up with my girlfriend for me. Alexa: You don’t have a girlfriend. Wow you’re fast.
@pancake_puns: did you know the official veterinary term for your cat eating something it shouldn't is "dietary indiscretion" which absolutely sounds like a cat politician trying to downplay its irresponsible past
@MissHavisham: Kids are eating leftover cotton candy for breakfast, day 4 of summer break. Let’s see what next week brings, other than Child Services.