@LouisNel: My neighbors listen to great music... whether they like it or not.
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@aveuaskew: *walks into interview* Thanks for coming in today. I'm Mr. Maballsonya, but please call me Phil. *walks out of interview*
@XplodingUnicorn: Wife: The kids opened the "private" drawer in my nightstand. Me: THE drawer? Wife: Yeah. Great. There go our Oreos.
@NoogsCorner: Cop: Have you been drinking sir? Me: Medium Double Quarter Pounder meal please. Cop: Step out of the vehicle. Me: Sprite.