@IamEveryDayPpl: My neighbors started Christmas decorating right after they ran out of Halloween candy so I called the police.
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@Darlainky: I just won $50 on a scratch off! Guess y'all know who's splurging on the whole cashews next grocery trip.
@Adar79Angie: I'm Italian, but I'm not "save a princess from a weird dinosaur looking guy, with my brother Luigi" Italian.
@_NinJar: *cop frisking me* Cop: "theres nothin in your pockets that will poke me, right?" Uh, no Cop: "OW!" *baby porcupine jumps out* RUN POKEY, RUN
@usermcuserface: I scared 5 and he buzzed while we played operation. He went and told my wife on me. Long story short, I'm sitting in timeout tweeting this.