@markleggett: My neighbour has been playing the bongos for over an hour, and I thought he was meditating until I heard him sing "Yeah, shake that shit…"
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@trojansauce: GIRL: would you like to go out for dinner sometime? ME:*nervously looks around* MY MUM: *appearing from nearby bush* he only eats lunchables
@AllyBallyBeal: Do not mess with bears. You'll be their victim. Yogi Bear wears clothes. Where did he get his clothes? That's right - a victim
@jackiembouvier: I wish I had remembered this was a rectal thermometer before I'd put it in my mouth for 3 minutes.
@WetzelGeek: Wifey put some girly glitter soap in the bathroom. This morning I look like I either just came from the strip club, or showered with Ke$ha.