@slimmy_shady: My neighbour hit the post reversing out of the driveway. He hit the poor man delivering it too.
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@thatUPSdude: Forget "once you go black you never go back" I say "For that special occasion go caucasian"
@DanLaMorte: I was on a date with a girl and she said "did you notice my finger nails?" And I was like "yes" and she was like "well I have no arms"
@truegritrumble: ME: *as a surgeon* What's the worst that could happen? Your nose buzzes & we put all the pieces back & start over...Where are you going?
@GoldenSpirals: My new washing machine plays a tune very similar to an ice cream truck when it's finished. There's no ice cream in there. I checked. Twice.