@slimmy_shady: My neighbour hit the post reversing out of the driveway. He hit the poor man delivering it too.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@tiffstevenson: Boyf said I look really pretty when I'm concentrating...I realised its cos I'm quiet! Either way it's the last time I let him watch me poo
@1_swarthy_dude: Boss:"I'll need those projections done Aesop!" Me:"You mean ASAP?" Boss:"No, I mean a parable that uses animals to convey a moral lesson."
@Brianhopecomedy: *wife stares at me* *I stare at her* *she frowns* *I smile* "You didn't notice my new-" "NICE HAIRCUT AND GLASSES." "Dress."
@IamSoffWilliams: We all have that special someone in our lives that we wish would get run over by a truck.