@bobvulfov: Professor i'd like an extension on my paper. why? well my ex just got married & i have to comment "lame" on all her wedding pics on facebook

@ManiacallySound: Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: Because no body liked you in high school, and then you caught me speeding.

@Lord_Voldemort7: Q: Why did Snape stand in the middle of the road? A: So you'll never know which side he's on.

@FattMernandez: I got a bracelet that posts where I ran, and how far to facebook, and I put it on a deer. So it just looks like I'm lost in the woods.

@NoogsCorner: *decides to go on a diet* *smokes weed* *eats a horse*