@ArfMeasures: THERAPIST: As a young boy, did your mother ever treat you badly? ME: As far as I know *pauses to think* my mother was never a young boy

@iamburtjarvis: [2011, pakistan, seal team 6 enters the compound] "chief, something has brought the boys to the yard" bin laden [making a milkshake]: SHIT

@BehindScenesPic: Everyone makes mistakes

@hippieswordfish: '911 HELP SOMEONE BROKE INTO MY HOUSE' uh ok, wow. not loving your tone. why don't you hang up, lose the 'tude and lets try that again, pal

@JoshuaHvr: Why would a straight guy hate gay guys? Here's a group of men who look better than you.. but don't even want women. You should be glad.