@tripeface: My neighbour knocked on my door this morning at 2:30am! Can you believe that 2:30am? Luckily for him I was still up playing my drums.
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@ArfMeasures: THERAPIST: As a young boy, did your mother ever treat you badly? ME: As far as I know *pauses to think* my mother was never a young boy
@iamburtjarvis: [2011, pakistan, seal team 6 enters the compound] "chief, something has brought the boys to the yard" bin laden [making a milkshake]: SHIT
@hippieswordfish: '911 HELP SOMEONE BROKE INTO MY HOUSE' uh ok, wow. not loving your tone. why don't you hang up, lose the 'tude and lets try that again, pal