@GoldenSpirals: My neighbour left her outdoor stereo blaring & went out for the night. I now have a set of speakers for sale, minus the wires. Call me.
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@Jay_FrickinLynn: Me: We broke up. Male Friend: You okay? You need to talk? Shoulder to cry on? You want to come over? Go to dinner? Sleep with me finally?
@ArfMeasures: [Bar] SEXY GIRL: Wanna go back to my house? ME: That's ok, thanks, I have my own house [3 days later] ME: [spits out coffee] DAMN IT
@slyoung5: Just want to apologize to all the unlucky women that have had to deal with my ex because I dumped him.
@PaigeKellerman: I'm never a more ineffective parent than when I accidentally make threats that rhyme.