@GoldenSpirals: My neighbour left her outdoor stereo blaring & went out for the night. I now have a set of speakers for sale, minus the wires. Call me.
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@_Tempo11: I wonder if my dog gets embarrassed when I give him kisses in front of other dogs at the park.
@FreshClemonade: Me: "Bond." *lowers sunglasses* "James Bond." Cashier: "You've been doing that for 35 minutes. Are you going to buy the sunglasses or not?"
@Book_Krazy: *Breaks glass to steal Mona Lisa* You crazy? Security will hear us Security: HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON UP THERE? NOTHING Security: ALRIGHT
@unravelingfire: Do hairy people get bed head all over? Ma'am, I just called to see if you're happy with your cell phone provider. But probably they do.