@realHamOnWry: My nephew asked, 'Do you have a New Years hangover today?' I said, 'No. Hangovers are for people who stop drinking'.
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@BuckyIsotope: Everyone dies of *something*. For example, this man is about to die from buying the last box of Thin Mints in front of me in the cookie line
@RandiLawson: Then there were 3 sets of footprints & God said "This is Deb. She answered my Craigslist ad & U r the one who said we should try new things"
@KKAlThani: Can we speak to the Mayans and have the ending of the world earlier than planned? Preferably before the premier of the new Twilight movie.
@daplusk: Parenting tip: see if your child has learnt to swear by turning the wifi off while they're gaming online