@ShortWhiteNUgly: My nephew asked me what marriage was like. So I gave him a candy bar and told him not to eat it.
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@notalogin: First they came for the people who say "Awesome sauce," and I said nothing, because, frankly, those people deserve it.
@DanMentos: "My first wife didn't have a gag reflex" Wow that's amazing "Yeah she never laughed at any of my jokes"