@ShortWhiteNUgly: My nephew asked me what marriage was like. So I gave him a candy bar and told him not to eat it.
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@ArfMeasures: ME: This house is haunted WIFE [sigh] We've been thru this, that's our son SON: I just have a pale complexion Dad ME: TELL ME YOU HEARD THAT
@CodyJP9412: HER: What're you most afraid of? ME: *thinking of how terrible it would be if my dog laid eggs that hatched into cats* Losing you, babe.
@SonofConway: When tragedy strikes your community, McDonald's will still be there to take your money.