@ShortWhiteNUgly: My nephew asked me what marriage was like. So I gave him a candy bar and told him not to eat it.
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@BBQJones28: I use someone calling me during a phone call as an opportunity to hang up on both of them.
@AnOrangeSNES: *Lowers thermostat* *Dad puts it back* *Lowers thermostat again* *Dad puts it back again* The real Cold War
@meganamram: I don't need to watch the debates, I read a bumper sticker the other day that totally convinced me