@realHamOnWry: My nephew asked, "What's the secret to a long life?" I said, "Never order vegetarian in Texas"
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@OldUncleDaveO: If you are having anxiety over something you've said or done, just remember that 90% of the world only cares what you look like.
@Chumpstring: [bridge] BUNGEE INSTRUCTOR: forgetting something? JUMPER: what? BUNGEE INSTRUCTOR: your harness. JUMPER: oh wait lol i'm not with the group.
@HellRaisingHell: Finally found a job ad that didn't mention 'attention to detail' or 'team player'. Finally!