@mR_Ewe_GuY: My nephew didn't cry when Mufasa died so I stopped the movie. What is wrong with kids of today?
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@pseudo_fred: I'm a man with a very specific set of skills. Woodworking, mostly. And so help me, God, I'm going to find you and build you a bench.
@MarfSalvador: Friend: Be adventurous in the bedroom, girls love that [Later in bedroom] Me: You like that? *Lays another bear trap* You like that babe?
@TheToddWilliams: GUY: Do you want to play fantasy football? ME: Okay, I'm a quarterback with wings
@PetrickSara: Me: Ok, who got Oreo filling on the couch? Husband: 4: 7: Me: Well... 7: It really could have been any of us. 4: (licks couch)