@Darlainky: My nephew said the cherries in my refrigerator had gone bad. They’re moonshine cherries, so yeah, they aren’t exactly choir boys.
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@LuvPug: To the twenty something year old girls who think forty something year old women are jealous of them- enjoy your next 240 periods!
@OakHill_: Merry Christmas to everyone except the guy who wrote the instructions on how to put this trampoline together.
@KeetPotato: karate teacher: "break this wood" me: "why?" karate teacher: "i dunno, pretend it’s mugging you" me: [gives wood my wallet]