@peachesanscream: My nephew told me all he wants for Christmas is his dead dog back. Can't WAIT to see his face when I wrap it up and stick it under the tree.
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@LaziestCanine: Cop: can you describe the guy who stabbed you Me: yes, he was not very friendly
@Reel2Dialog2: Pizza: You should totally eat all of me. Like, all by yourself. Me: What? No way. Pizza: Why not? Me: That's a really good point.