@nachosarah: my new diet is not buying things at the store that make the cashier say wow someone's having a party
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@DaddyJew: Interviewer: Which academic course did you find most difficult? Me: spinach Interviewer: you mean Spanish? Me: exactly
@MacAnnabella: My friend's offering to pay for a trip to NY to be her +1 for a wedding. She's probably going to drug me & sell my organs. *agrees to go :)
@flashember: DISH FATHER: You can NEVER see that spoon again! *daughter dish starts sobbing* [outside the window, Spoon is thinking] we leave tonight
@YosefHawel: Most young lives are lost not because of seat belts, but because the defibrillator needs you to sign into Facebook first.