@LoriLuvsShoes: My new juice cleanse is called Vodka with a side of Tonic
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@Jake_Vig: HER: [walks in wearing lingerie] See anything you like? ME: I don’t think that will fit me.
@treydayway: Hell hath no fury like a woman who just said "seriously?" after a comment you made during an argument.
@platinum2000: I make out with a squirrel at a party one time, and now everyone is scared of me? That's just ridiculous, he was dead for at least 2 hours.
@LADaddy: [At the stress test, staring at a treadmill] Dr.: Just run at a speed where you can still talk normally. *sits down on a chair* Me: Okay.