@LoriLuvsShoes: My new juice cleanse is called Vodka with a side of Tonic
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@daemonic3: MILLION DOLLAR IDEA: An alarm clock that sounds like a dog's pre-puke warning grunts.
@The_JRM: The main reason I tell my daughter that beauty is on the inside is because I'm in charge of her ponytail in the mornings.
@iGreenMonk: If you scream in a library, people just look at you funny. If you scream on an airplane, everyone joins in.
@murrman5: did your friends rob that bank? "I'll never talk" I forgot that you're prejudice against robbers "what?!? some of my best friends rob banks"