@LostFelicia: My new sunglasses blend perfectly with the color of my hair so I won't feel so stupid the next time I lose them on the top of my head.
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@ArfMeasures: [Restaurant] Me *has a sip and nods at date* yes, that's fine, we'll have a bottle Waiter: One ketchup coming up
@shadesof666: *gets hit by a car* Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?" Me: "Please... I need my... phone" *opens Twitter* Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"
@Playing_Dad: I don't ever use my blinker. It's nobody's business where I'm going.
@BoogTweets: Might get a face tattoo that says: make good choices
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