My new sunglasses blend perfectly with the color of my hair so I won't feel so stupid the next time I lose them on the top of my head.

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@LostFelicia: My new sunglasses blend perfectly with the color of my hair so I won't feel so stupid the next time I lose them on the top of my head.

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@KtotheK39: I dated a guy so arrogant he walked into a post while looking at his reflection in a store window. I left him. Unconscious on the street.

@therepoguy: Giving me a Milkbone after sex does not make it doggy style

@MomOfTeen: Not now kids. Mom is racing her rubber duckies in the bathtub and this time I really think Javier is going to win.

@ThisOneSayz: Bring a toddler to your next robbery. Their smudgy fingerprints everywhere will make the forensics team cry.

@Prof_Peejay: Students, unfollow me now. Tonight's drunk subtweets might sting a little. Especially you Britney. Your lab report was a pile of dog shit.

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