@DoreyZoe: My next door neighbour just accused me of stealing clothes from her washing line. I nearly shit her pants
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@ojedge: "Spirits, are you there?" [ouija board] ＩＦ ＹＯＵ ＬＩＫＥ ＩＴ ＴＨＥＮ ＹＯＵ ＳＨＯＵＬＤＡ ＰＵＴ Ａ ＲＩＮＧ ＯＮ ＩＴ "Damn it, we've held a séaoncé again!"
@SaeedFaridzadeh: No, I don't have time to read the article. Just show me an image, and misguided headline, with the promise of making me angry.
@TheTweetOfGod: "Why do bad things happen to good people?" To even out the good things that happen to bad people.
@badbanana: My favorite holiday drink is the Little Drummer Boy. It's one part rum, three parts pum.