@vodkachrome: My next relationship will be with someone who thinks "Wine" is a perfectly acceptable answer when he asks what's for dinner.
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@TheMichaelRock: After shaking someone's hand, I like to maintain eye contact while applying hand sanitizer.
@adamrensch: *accidentally walks into women's restroom* *plays it cool* *sits down* *finds comfort here* *changes name to Janice* *is alive* *is free*
@thatUPSdude: Me: Want some of my nachos? Coworker: I don't like nachos. Me: Hello 911, what's consider premeditated murder?
@TalibJim: Guys WhatsApp status be like "at the gym" since 2014.... Brother are you going to fight Brock Lesnar or just trying to get 12 pack??!!!