@TequilaTears: My nickname for my mother is Hannibal Lecture.
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@RdrJay47: I'm not sure if this woman in the Starbucks line ahead of me is ordering a drink or casting a spell.
@phaggots: [teenage girl reading horoscope tweets] "Scorpio's drink water when they're thirsty" OMG THIS IS SO ME
@bornmiserable: ME: Whoa, these people are hardcore Goths CORONER: How many times do I have to tell you that they're corpses, you're looking at corpses
@CrackYouWhip: Based on the rate of sagging pants, it is predicted that by 2017, people will just pull their pants behind them with a rope.