@TequilaTears: My nickname for my mother is Hannibal Lecture.
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@dreadnaught69: People who incessantly go on and on about replacing things that taste good with quinoa, please stop
@jimmy_boston: Wife: Did you get eggs? Me: pew pew Wife: Great lasers, so did you? Me: pew pew pew pew pee Wife: Why me god. Me: *barrel roll* pew pew
@weinerdog4life: Note to self: Take Mila Kunis picture off of vacuum before taking it in for service next time.