@ElizaBayne: My nickname is Gilette because I'm the best a man can get. Also, I will cut you
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@rohoxbaby: Every Facebook post: *Girl posts lyrics* Elderly woman comments "Hi lucy. you're so grown up. We miss you. Tell your mom ill call Wednesday"
@LurkAtHomeMom: One alternative to having kids is to hire two people to sit in your car and start a loud argument every time your favorite song comes on.
@thejessbess: People are like, "Jess, can you give me some advice?" & I'm like, "K, don't get kidnapped."
@LMHPhotog: *bursts into room Me: GUYS! GUYS! I FOUND A UNICORN Guys: Yeah sure,show us then! *holds up single kernel of corn *gets violently beaten