@ElizaBayne: My nickname is Gilette because I'm the best a man can get. Also, I will cut you
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@upsidedowntrash: Coworker: crazy weather we're having Me: [as loud as possible] SHARON FOR THE LAST TIME I WILL NOT KILL YOUR HUSBAND FOR A BAG OF REDVINES
@Jake_Vig: I hate when someone finds out I read the same book they did and thinks we're in some kind of a gang or something.
@tombrodude: tinder, huh? back in my day if you wanted a girl to notice you, you had to dress like a gargoyle and cling to the roof of her parents' home