@ElizaBayne: My nickname is Gilette because I'm the best a man can get. Also, I will cut you
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@Fred_Delicious: [goes to museum of fine art] "Just how fine can this art be, anyway" [sees a vase in a thong] "oh damn"
@TheTweetOfGod: All human beings are threads interwoven in the great tapestry of life, except for that one guy at your office. What the hell is his problem?
@greg_vee: If I'd know I only had 4 decent tweets in me when I started, I'd have spread them out a little more.
@weinerdog4life: Watched Avatar again and long story short, can you untie my ponytail from this horse?