@robdelaney: My niece just said "Birds live in a birdhouse & we live in a people house!" Cute, huh? Wrong; my niece is 26 & on trial for manslaughter.
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@MAngelo505: What I said : Just a trim, please. What hairdresser must've heard : Give me the Kim Jong-un.
@TheTweetOfGod: When the devil buys your soul he makes you sign a contract because even though he is pure evil he has an unshakable respect for tort law.
@jjhartinger: I went to the Gym and the power went out. I whispered, "thank you baby jesus" and left.