@JohnLyonTweets: My niece likes movies about talking animals so I bought her something called The Human Centipede. Sounds cute.
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@_NinJar: I was makin out with a cute girl but it got ruined when she ran her hand up my leg and squeezed all the spaghetti out of my pocket
@clindsaysway: I like to make a guy feel welcome in the morning by surrounding him with stuffed animals while he sleeps.