@JohnLyonTweets: My niece likes movies about talking animals so I bought her something called The Human Centipede. Sounds cute.
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@ColorMeScradd: Me: Got any more of those debbled eggs? Friend: Did you just say DEBBLED eggs? Me: No, I said the right thing...
@supertweetjen: The guy two cubes down wears vests, curls his mustache, and never says a word. I always smile politely because maybe he'll spare my life.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: The only thing I know about Downton Abbey is that everyone looks as if they smell like the bottom of my Nana's purse.
@zachreinert03: Recently joined the mile high club sandwich. That's when you have sex on a plane, and it's with a sandwich