@JohnLyonTweets: My niece likes movies about talking animals so I bought her something called The Human Centipede. Sounds cute.
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@simoncholland: I feel like HGTV is creating some false expectations for the attractiveness of the contractor you hire for home renovations.
@MelvinofYork: Interviewer: can you explain this gap in your resume Me: ugh yeah the spacing wouldn't format properly Interviewer: OMG I hate that
@UncleDuke1969: “You gotta try the lobs-” - I’ll should tell you… “Yes?” - We’re not having sex. “OK.” - What were you saying? “The chicken here’s great.”