@ReeseButCallMeV: My niece said I look like a mom. So now we're playing a game, sorta like Hide-N-Seek, except I hide her and no one finds her. Ever.
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@_Kim_Jongun: For the last time, I don't have any secret prison camps. Anyone who doesn't believe me will be sent to a secret prison camp.
@HeSlimedMeRay: My son just complained about how far the guy in his video game has to walk. We take our lazy seriously around here.
@IamEnidColeslaw: I've been a vegetarian for 13 years but if I ever got the chance I would absolutely 100% bite the head off the Geico gecko
@bakerbakerbaker: friend: have u accepted jesus christ as yr savior so u can be allowed into the kingdom of heaven? me: who all going?