@NotARatsAss: My night was going great until a neighbor flew their drone over my property. So I grabbed my shotgun and yelled, "Pull!"
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@FilthyRichmond: I taught the kids to sign my name on report cards and detention slips because a good parent knows how to delegate responsibility.
@osoplain: I'm texting hubs a grocery list one item at a time so he can experience his phone blowing up
@withanewname: "Full bath?" "Yes sir" "Double beds?" "Yes sir" "Pool?" "Yes sir" "Maid service?" "Yes sir" "WIFI?" "Yes sir" "Kids, I found a campsite!"
@SondraDeeMe: I fake the art of fainting so well my favorite restaurant now refers to me as "Low Blood Sugar Girl" while rushing my limp body to a table.