@NotARatsAss: My night was going great until a neighbor flew their drone over my property. So I grabbed my shotgun and yelled, "Pull!"
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@Mike__Lee: I'm sending a whole bunch of emails to random Nigerians letting them know they've won the Canadian lottery.
@JoroPotential: If you broke up with your gf who works at a salad bar you can use the line "lettuce romaine friends" at a low cost of my student loans.
@KalvinMacleod: GENIE: and for your first wish? ME: I wish that the end of every bag of chips was the start of another GENIE: holy shit!