@CMFC99: My noisy upstairs neighbour reminds me of that person I killed next week.
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@ilovepie84: "LET MY PEEPHOLE GO!" -Moses when the cops found the peephole he installed in the Womens washroom.
@Jay_FrickinLynn: Boyfriend calls me Gluteal Myalgia because he thinks I'm too dumb to understand what it means. Let's see how he likes the name Microphallus
@chelliet22: Two days ago: omg, I'm so glad I found my watch, I'll never misplace it again! Today: *has zero clue where the hell my watch is*