@anagramps: "My nose is going to grow now" said Pinocchio, rending a paradoxical black hole in the fabric of space-time.
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@MyMomologue: Bedtime: Brush teeth Put on pjs Read Turn off light Put them back in bed Put them back in bed Threaten everything they love Put them back
@PaperWash: [handing out condoms to trick or treaters] give these to your parents, I don't want more of you coming back next year
@fuzzlime: A pinata at my funeral so people will be happy.. but filled with bees so they're not too happy.
@samalmightysam: - Hey babe, do you like how I did my makeup? - Yes and if you want I can go and kill Batman with you.