@themafinch: My obituary: She died in the shower, dancing away from a spider that was really just black sock fuzz.
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@PFPTMillsy: How to cook the perfect amount of pasta: 1. Pour out how much you think you need 2. Wrong
@LimeyTheGreat: Panty-less waxed woman hanging off a bridge "I'm gonna jump into that canoe". Me: "No that's your reflection".
@EvanJKessler: Did you know you have the right to remain silent even when you're not being arrested?