@themafinch: My obituary: She died in the shower, dancing away from a spider that was really just black sock fuzz.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@_blotty: [ocean's 11 music] So here's the plan,we iron me flat, then slide me into an ATM via the card slot. Once inside, it's a cash playground boys
@ManiacallySound: I seruptitously flicked a booger on a guy who was being mean to his wife. If this is what being a sniper feels like, I like it.
@QwertyJones3: A girl called me "sir" today and I was so angry I took off my suit of armor and stormed out of Medieval Times.