@DurtMcHurtt: My obsession with building townhouses is going to give me a complex one of these days.
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@truegritrumble: My mother wanted grandchildren, so I changed the ring on her phone to the ice cream truck song so she can attract one.
@JasonLastname: They say 9 or 10 is a good age to tell your kid they were adopted, but only IF they were adopted.
@OfficialMizGin: I’m not afraid of spiders. I’m afraid of people who are afraid of spiders. Please stop screaming and put down the hammer.
@InternetHippo: SCIENTISTS: We've discovered a massive black hole with no obvious qualities ME: Ok wow I'm right here