@amishschool: My office has started random urine testing of employees to detect traces of hope or optimism.
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@pixelatedboat: Is there something I can hang around my neck to show that I'm a big fan of crucifixions?
@TjSmooth0: I lost an ibuprofen under my dresser a week ago and now I'm worried the spiders are coming after me with no headaches and renewed vigor.
@anbrll00: Dr: Your Mom is like regular moms except we lost her in surgery. Me: Did you just use a joke format to tell me my mom died Dr: yep