@_shellzbellzzz_: My oldest played with BPA free toys that I sterilized constantly. My youngest is playing with a metal coat hanger and a AA battery.
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@UhhhJasonWebb: Took an edible and got so nervous on this flight that I started petting someone else’s service dog.
@OfficialBanks93: If a murderer wanted to lure me out of my room all he'd have to do is turn off my wifi cause sure as shit i'm gonna see why it aint working
@anagramps: "My nose is going to grow now" said Pinocchio, rending a paradoxical black hole in the fabric of space-time.
@Jake_Vig: My arm fell asleep, which is understandable, considering how boring the rest of my body has been.