@Dawn_M_: My online boyfriend loves me so much that once I put my money in his PayPal account he is coming to visit me.
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@MODAT: Mom is flying into JFK during Friday rush hour. An 'anonymous tip' should allow me to pick her up at the TSA and avoid the terminals.
@ieatanddrink: For animals with an "amazing sense of smell" dogs sure do sniff piles of turds for a long time before realizing "Whoops, these are turds"
@thatUPSdude: Cop: Reason I pulled you over was you were swerving Me: Sorry was tryin to catch a Pokémon Cop: Which one!? I mean let me see your license