@paigeofmylife2: My original account got suspended for aggressive behavior and they haven't even seen me in bed yet.
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@Try2StopME: Friend: "Dude, me & my girlfriend are getting married." ME: "Wow! when?" Friend: "Me on 27th April and she on 14th June."
@trentistweeting: Why hello, dear! "trent, did you bring cue cards to read off of during our date?" Lovely weather! "and did you only bring two?" Why hello, d
@sarcasticmommy4: My son needed a last-minute Halloween costume so I wrapped him like a mummy with my CVS receipt. You can also scan him for $2 off Advil.