@paigeofmylife2: My original account got suspended for aggressive behavior and they haven't even seen me in bed yet.
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@MomofTeen: Newton's amended 1st law of motion: Objects dropped on the floor by teens will remain at rest for months unless acted upon by an angry Mom.
@TEXASVETERAN: Me: I love you! Girlfriend: Is that you, or the vodka talking? Me: It's me...talking to the vodka.
@DirtMcTurd: Just reported a car stolen because the people inside are black and the stick figures on the window were white