@MeatloafComedy: My pants embarrassed me in front of a chick again. How many times must I tell them that it's rude to point???
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@LindaInDisguise: Went to WalMart today and still had all my kids when I got home. Next week, I'll try harder.
@briangaar: If I'm murdered, I hope I'm able to write out the killer's name in blood and then "sucks" underneath
@Mikecanrant: I accidentally earned a 3rd degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do the last time a bee flew near my face.
@thestlouisan: *Plots revenge by getting a job at a fast food restaurant and waiting for nemesis to drive thru and not putting a straw in their bag*