@MeatloafComedy: My pants embarrassed me in front of a chick again. How many times must I tell them that it's rude to point???
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@ForeverHairy: Me: Who wants to go out to dinner and scream and cry and make daddy wish he wore more condoms? Kids: WE DO! YAY!
@platinum2000: [Haunted House] Ghost:You've been here a week Me: I like you G:You knew what this was M: I thought I was your boo G: I say that to everyone
@Ophelia_808: I'm starting to think the guy offering to check for lumps inside his van was not as legit as his cardboard certificate claimed.
@XplodingUnicorn: My 5-year-old found two pennies and shared one with her sister. I grounded them both because I'm not raising any communists.