@caseytduncan: My parallel parking skills are unparalleled.
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@HomeProbably: People keep accusing me of using the wrong words in my sentences. It's like everyone in my life has turned into a grandma nazi.
@mattgallo123: My waterproof phone is advertised in commercials with people surfing and kayaking and here I am tweeting in the shower.
@BareChesty: If the tv show "Cops" has taught me anything, it's to stay away from ppl with blurry faces. They always cause trouble.