@RiverClegg: My parent trap worked perfectly. I now have five parents.
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@Nursey2Be: Women are like bacon: we look good, we smell good, we taste good and we will slowly kill you.
@TheToddWilliams: Galileo Galilei (1564-1642) played a major role in the scientific revolution even though he was such a poor boy and nobody loved him.
@IanKarmel: 22 year old me after a night of drinking: "I hope I didn't do anything stupid." 29 year old me: "I hope I didn't agree to go on a hike."
@ehdannyboy: Wife: [looking out of window] Go and talk to our son. He's outside looking forlorn. Me: [goes outside] *points to grass* it's there u prick