@McCPeggy: My parents always taught me to pursue my dreams. That's why I take so many naps.
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@Ideal_Victoria: *experiences all five stages of grief while the waiter walks by my table with what I thought was my dinner*
@Midgetspar: If I had a jet pack I would look AWESOME dying within the first 2 minutes of having a jet pack.
@Brampersandon_: [leaving a party] GF (holding 2 identical jackets): which one is yours ME: whichever one has a pancake in the pocket