@torrami: My parents and teachers told me I could be whatever I wanted to be but I'm 28 years old now and I'm still not a crime-fighting mermaid :(
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@mjkspeaks: [interview] Where do you see yourself in the next 5 years? Me: "OMG I'M NOT A PSYCHIC THE SIGN SAID NO SKILLS REQUIRED!"
@flashember: [inventor of the zoo] *sees deer gamboling freely through the forest and exotic birds flying blissfully through the air* this has to stop
@NickadooLA: I don't understand interventions. What's the point of being told I drink too much by a room full of the reasons I drink in the first place?