@undeadmolly: My parents are always pestering me to have kids. "Who will carry on the ancient family curse?" they say.
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@crimson_n_aqua: Had a discussion with my boss about how lanyards can strangle.... conversation took a turn.... I am either fired or getting a HUGE raise x2
@ericsshadow: [hospital] DOCTOR: Your wife signed a DNR ME: I'm here for a sprained ankle DOCTOR: She insisted
@XplodingUnicorn: I follow anyone who has "18+" in their bio. I'm waiting for them to post the second half of the math problem.