@undeadmolly: My parents are always pestering me to have kids. "Who will carry on the ancient family curse?" they say.
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@UncleDuke1969: [doorbell] "Hi, do you have time to discuss the Bible?" "You have cookies?" "No, sir I-" "Come back when you have cookies." *closes door*
@EJGomez: [interrupts pastor] but jesus was crucified today shouldn't we call today "Bad Friday" or even "Kinda Messed Up They Killed Jesus Friday"
@Cheese_Pile: [First day of class at law school] *raises hand* Hi, yes. When do we get our white, curly wigs?
@Carbosly: If I ever visit Japan, the first thing I'll do is run through those paper walls pretending I'm the Kool-Aid man.