@realHamOnWry: My parents both wear hearing-aids. And I think that's why they're still married...they never turn them on.
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@TawaNicolas: I lost one of mom's Tupperware at work and now I'm looking for a new family to adopt me.
@DiscoFruit: me: *lights cig* do u smoke? girl: no, cigarettes killed my father me: oh, cancer..? her: no, an army of them, gunned him down me: wait what
@Sarcasticsapien: Make your day more fun by going up to a stranger and asking "Hey, how have you been since the amnesia?"
@HousewifeOfHell: Someday, scientists will capture the energy of eye rolls to produce electricity, and the world will be a cleaner, more sarcastic place.