@lisaxy424: My parents have been together for 40 years, and I don't even like seeing the same cashier twice in a row at the grocery store.
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@RonAnthonyQuinn: If I ever win the lottery & someone asks me for money I'm going to give them a dollar & say "Here. Go play the Lottery. That's what I did."
@michaelianblack: Guy at Dairy Queen was yelling at everybody because they didn't have waffle cones but they had PICTURES of waffle cones. That guy was me.
@polyhumorous: I got my husband to marry me 51 days after we met. Today is our 20th Anniversary and I think he's still wondering what the hell happened.
@aka_fatman: People always go, "Why can't there ever be peace in the Middle East?" We can't even get FIVE DENTISTS to agree on a toothpaste. That's why.